I’m not sure where I heard it first but it’s one of my all time favorite quotes: “You are one decision away from living an entirely different life.” Fact: life is full of decisions. Most of the time it’s casual, the day to day micro adjustment. Other times, depending on the direction you choose, the result can change your life forever (but no pressure, lol).

It’s been over a year since Roscoe and I made the life altering decision to pack up our microbakery Roscoe’s Sourdough in Honolulu and transition our operation exclusively to the family farm in Starbuck, MN. We had been splitting our time up equally between both places for a while but realized in order to build something lasting (and not run ourselves into the ground) we needed to invest our energy and resources into one or the other. We were teetering on a tipping point for a good while. Option one: stay in Hawaii and expand our operation out of necessity to accommodate our business’ growth trajectory. We’d grown out of most of our equipment and the space we were working out at that time. Option two: walk away from Roscoe’s Sourdough to move back home to the family farm. We’d recreate the microbakery business model with agriculture as the foundation. A vision to raise wheat, mill flour, and bake with these home grown grains all on site. An opportunity to carry on our family’s legacy as the fourth generation to farm on this land.

There were a few things (including a little Poppy seed growing inside me) that pushed the odds in the farm’s favor. But once we made the final decision to sell everything and move, I felt like I could breathe a little deeper. Of course there was a lot fear involved (there still is). But even while getting rid of most of our belongings and moving out of the amazing house we’d lived in for five years, it felt like the right thing. It felt like a full body “yes”. So much so that now when making a decision, I tap into how it feels in my body and consciously make the decision to agree to things that are a full body yes. I really believe that our bodies know!

a few days before we moved out of our Hawaii house

And now here we are in February, a little over a year out from that pivotal time. We just returned home after spending a month in Hawaii as visitors. To be transparent, before leaving for our trip I had mixed feelings. We felt a lot of excitement to see many people we love and experience the immense beauty and warmth that Hawaii emanates. I also felt nervous that once we would get there sadness and regret would flood in. Reality would hit us that we made the wrong decision moving away and would want the comforts of our old life back. But that didn’t happen, actually the opposite occurred.

No doubt, I think Hawaii is one of the most beautiful places in the world. It turns out many people feel the same way because in 2020 Oahu (the island we lived on) topped over 1 million people for the first time ever. As a result, the cost of living has increased tremendously. A lot of our friends with kids feel the pressure as one needs a good job but daycare costs range from $900 to $1200 a week per kid. In order to get a decent education a lot of kids go to private schools versus public which are extremely competitive and also expensive. Our friends without kids express that they aren’t planning to have children because they’re afraid of not being able to swing the Hawaii life if they did. I forgot how long it takes to get such a short distance and the need to plan around traffic. And it’s not uncommon to wait in line 20 minutes for a $8 latte. Or circle the parking lot for 20 minutes to find a parking spot. Because of the high cost of housing, the homeless crisis is also at an all time high coinciding with a major mental health and drug use epidemic. Our friend shared that he needed to pull his little girl out of a particular ballet class because the studio was near a meth clinic. There were some instances that he felt unsafe and didn’t feel like he could defend himself if he needed to with his two little girls in tow. I pictured going on more walks with Poppy in the stroller but didn’t because it didn’t feel safe to do so. And people live so close to one another, in some cases literally on top of each other, and Lord knows you can’t choose your neighbors. My nervous system being so attuned quiet was extra sensitive to all the traffic noises around us, including the rogue moped (sans muffler) that woke us up from a dead sleep at 3am (lol!!).

With all this to say, we gained quite a bit of clarity on this trip. It solidified for us that the farm is where we’re meant to be. I don’t mean to paint a negative picture of our trip, there were so many amazing things about our stay in Hawaii. Watching Roscoe dip Poppy in the ocean for the first time is a memory I’ll cherish forever. We got to introduce her to friends and family she had never met, people who love her so much. We went to the beach almost daily, soaked up the warm sunshine and soaked in the healing salt water. We gorged on fresh fruit and fish. It felt like a luxury being able to have our morning coffee outside while taking in all the green, lush mountains surrounding us. But at the end of it all we were excited to come home. Through Roscoe and I’s relationship we’ve made an effort to make decisions that align with the kind of life we want to live. The decision to move to the farm was just that. If we stayed in Hawaii we’d definitely be making more money than we are right now, but there’s so many more facets to wealth than the monetary.

Another truth: there’s no one perfect place to live, and the farm definitely has its faults too. We live in the middle of nowhere and we get so busy that we isolate ourselves. The winter is well.. winter. But when I picture what’s ahead for us, it doesn’t involve a rat race. Roscoe and I are a team, working together synergistically to make our dreams come true. I see a lot of hard work in our future but it’s work that is intentional and creative, work that ebbs and flows. I also picture time freedom and rest. We don’t want to have to hustle our lives away just to keep up. I envision easy, slow days being able to soak up time with each other and our quickly growing little girl. In my eyes we can always make money but we’ll never get this time back. I desire for Poppy (and her future siblings) to discover the simple joys of collecting eggs, eating sinfully sweet sun ripened strawberries, and how to cultivate seeds. I’m excited for them to run free on this land that we are so blessed to steward. The older I get the more I cherish peace, quiet, and wide open spaces (que the Dixie Chicks) and realize how lucky we are to call this place our home. Through this whole experience I’ve learned the deep lesson that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You can find a slice of paradise anywhere if you look for it. Whether that’s sitting on a beach listening to the waves or sitting in the woods listening to the snow flakes fall.

So here’s to the simple life. And to making hard decisions.

No Regrets

Carrying on our family legacy, one loaf at a time.